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Inhibition As Chemical Process by ~errantmystic:iconerrantmystic:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Transgressive > Open


Amazing, that these molecules,
nimble as the calloused fingers
which twitch with the scent of you,
can break down the will caging my wants.

Then you are slowly gorgeous,
almost loveable, woman enough
to brand my dilated retina,
shred my feigned restraint.

My nose slides over slick skin,
carving shudders from weakness,
hunting your flesh in service
to this mercenary orgasm.

One day, erectus stretched and evolved
so that, on exposure to morning,
novice transmitters streamed forth,
unsure but willing, to induce remorse.
©2003-2009 ~errantmystic
:iconerrantmystic:

Author's Comments

The actual title is "Inhibition As A Chemical Process". The above is good enough for government work. Comments/critiques welcome.

Daily Deviation

Given 2004-01-17

Inhibition As Chemical Process by ~errantmystic guest picker: :devwernstrum: (Featured by `keen)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconlogey:
~logey Jul 8, 2003, 6:59:18 PM
you are slowly gorgeous

Great bit. I like this muchly. I'm too tired to find anything wrong with it, not to say that I would if I tried, but I might.
:iconostara:
~ostara Jul 8, 2003, 8:23:14 PM
Technical in it's expression, physical in form.

Made me think a bit.

I like it.

:) (Smile)

--
You are now leaving Normal.
Please adjust your preconceptions.
:iconsarasvatia:
*sarasvatia Jul 9, 2003, 10:22:02 AM
I don't like the last stanza as much as the rest of it. It's a lot less clear and a lot less sure of itself.

:iconmyrth:
~myrth Jul 9, 2003, 12:45:31 PM
your choice of language evokes very strong, even raw, physical images.. the emotion feels restrained, which asks how deep it could go.. powerful.. and in contrast to the comment above, i actually prefer the last stanza; it's imagery is the most personal for me and leaves me with a lingering sadness.. the only thing i minorly dislike is the 'the' use in the first stanza, which is a very small thing and it didn't detract from my enjoyment..
:iconmeic2:
*meic2 Jul 10, 2003, 10:20:37 PM
I think elegant is the only proper word to describe this piece. I love elegance.

--
Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~ Samuel Beckett ~
:iconinsenze:
~insenze Jul 15, 2003, 9:46:21 PM
Filtering images through your sublime mind you cast a spell once again. To say the least, I am impressed - and that is something, given your previous scope. An evolution of form, especially as seen from one who took a sabbatical to return and find these jewels waiting. To re-iterate best lines would be to quote the first three stanzas. The last changes form, and while good, does leave me slightly frustrated as the last image of remorse (though tied nicely to the 'mercenary orgasm') is just shy of the resolution I'd been building up to in reading.

Very good work.
:iconparanoidgirl:
~paranoidgirl Jul 28, 2003, 1:53:29 PM
like first three stanzas, do not so much like the shift into the fourth (and the fourth). might have more to say on this later when i don't have a headache. but on the whole, i really do think this is lovely -- an idea, which i never -- or anyone i can think of, for that matter -- would have thought of...and followed through. :) (Smile)
:iconwernstrum:
`wernstrum Aug 11, 2003, 11:55:40 PM
ah the endless dance that is the persuit of self realization. the way it seems u conceptualize lust is incredibly beautful. Kudos
:iconsantaduck:
~santaduck Aug 21, 2003, 10:11:57 PM
delicious language, i don't know where it goes, but the reading of it is pleasure enough... i agree with myrth that your restraint from the obvious simply enhances the appeal... and the technicality is what makes the texture...

I wonder where you would go with this sort of work but with a long piece with a long story. Then it would be more than a quick appetizer, or dessert... Here's hoping...
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July 8, 2003

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